1.
Your focus will determine your
future. Have you ever noticed that if something bad happens and you
focus on it, then more bad things happen? If you think that a certain holiday
function is going to be bad, then most likely it will be just that. I’m
not saying that if you think happy thoughts, then you’re guaranteed happy
times. That’s absurd. I am simply saying that if you focus on the positive, not
only will your experiences feel more positive, but the negatives won’t feel so
overwhelming. If you tell yourself that the holidays are going to be enjoyable
and then you encounter a rude relative, you are more likely to take their rude
behavior in stride and not allow it to ruin your holiday spirit. This in
turn will affect others in a favorable way. If you don’t get rattled, others
are less likely to get rattled. Remember to watch you’re self-talk
and make sure you are not saying to yourself, “I know it is just a matter of
time before something bad happens and my time is ruined.” Focus on
the positive and see what happens.
2.
Handle emotions with finesse. There are many reasons people find the holidays to be stressful.
Loneliness, financial pressure, and
unfulfilled goals and desires are just a few. Expressing emotions is a great
way for people to begin to free themselves from their built-up feelings of
stress, worry, fear, and anxiety unfortunately,
many people encourage others not to express their emotions by saying things
like, and “I don’t want to hear it,”or, “Get over it this is like putting a lid
on a pot of boiling water. Eventually it will boil over, and when it does, it
will be a mess. When someone is upset, the best thing to do is simply
acknowledge that the person has the right to that emotion. It’s not necessary
to agree with the reason they’re upset. Just say something like, “I understand you
are upset” (or stressed or annoyed). This sounds simple, but unfortunately we
often do the opposite and invalidate others’ emotions by saying things like, “I
understand you are upset, BUT…” or, “Don’t get upset,” “Calm down,” “Don’t
worry.” When we tell someone not to feel a certain way, it can actually have
the opposite effect and make that person even more emotional, prolonging or
even escalating the emotion. Ironically, the more we acknowledge another
person’s emotions, the more likely that their emotions will be diffused,
allowing us to change the subject and discuss other things.
3. Use
the Law of Reflection to your advantage. The Law of Reflection says that
whatever we give out in life we tend to get back. Unfortunately, this law can
work against us if we allow it to. Think about it. If someone is down, we are
down. If someone is negative, we start to allow ourselves to be
negative. If someone complains about someone else, we allow ourselves to get
caught up in their drama. But there is no reason to allow others to set the
tone for our holidays – we should set the tone ourselves. We cannot control what
happens but we can control how we respond, which may in turn inspire others to
respond more positively. In other words, no matter what others do, choose to
have a good time and do what it takes to enjoy the holidays. This will help
send the message that unlike previous holidays when we allowed others to push
our buttons, times have changed. Their bad behavior is more likely to stop and
you’ll be able to have the holidays you truly desire.
4. Don’t be stingy with your compliments. We often hold back our expressions of
appreciation for one another. In fact, sometimes we reserve our compliments
because we believe the person doesn’t deserve the appreciation due to something
else they’ve done or because we think they’ll take advantage of it. But if the
only things that come out of our mouths are negative, then others will get
tired of listening to us and disconnect — even if what we have to say is
“true.” Instead, keep the Law of Reflection in mind. The more we compliment,
the better the holiday spirit will be. The
holidays can be a great time to express how much we care for and appreciate
others. After all, we don’t know what tomorrow will bring and whether each of
us will be around to celebrate the next holiday together. Don’t
withhold your compliments. Cherish the time and each other.
5. Go beyond your feelings and remember why. When you can’t seem to love the
holiday event or gathering, remember to love why you are there. Be the model,
set the tone, and do what it takes to avoid getting caught up in other people’s
drama. Choose to enjoy the holidays for the sake of your children, your spouse,
your parents, and others. Give your friends and loved ones that gift. Isn’t
that what the holidays are all about?
6. Reach out and touch someone. There are a lot of
lonely people out there preparing to spend the holidays alone — perhaps as a
result of divorce, the loss of a spouse, a break-up, or a move. Reach out and
invite them to be a part of your holiday festivities. When
you do so, keep in mind that just because a person doesn’t return
phone calls or e-mails, it doesn’t mean they really want to be
alone. Sometimes people reject our invitations because they feel
like they are not genuinely wanted or they’re afraid of being reminded of past
holidays. Sometimes “No” means “Ask again and tell me you really want me to
come.” Be persistent and reach out to family, friends, and neighbors. Don’t let
others be alone. Maybe you can use some of these strategies to show them that
the holiday season can be a great time of year. Just think how good you will
feel when you reconnect with a long lost relative, or when you show a hurting
friend or neighbor some true kindness and the real joy the holidays can bring.
We all say that the
holidays should be a joyful time of year, but sometimes we forget that we’re
responsible for making them that way. By reaching out to help our friends and
loved ones connect with their emotions and enjoy the holidays, we spread the
holiday cheer that is the true meaning behind all the season’s celebrations. Happy holidays!
